When I was a child there was one standard used to determine illness: green drops. While other elementary students could fake illness by appearing lethargic and unpresentable, the Schenk children had to pass the green drops test before being declared sick - an excellent deterrent to any avoidance schemes we hatched.
Green drops are a rather murky and insanely foul liquid "medication" used as a cureall - generously passed down to my parents from my grandmother. And since they are a cureall it naturally follows that if we were unwilling to take green drops then we just must not really be sick.
(This might be a good time to mention that my blog apparently has no spell check .... and I'm not too sure about lethargic, deterrent, or cureall - apply this disclaimer to all posts.)
I'm quite certain the trick was in giving them to us when were young, but somehow we came to believe that green drops really do work - that if you take them you will feel better! But the general agreement is that no one would
ever take green drops unless they were quite certain they were at death's door. No death rattle, no green drops. It's nothing like these gummy bear vitamins or electrolyte popsicles they have these days where kids are excited to receive medicinal relief. Nope. Green drops would gag a magot, and if anybody has a strong stomach it's gotta be those guys.
But of course they can't work unless you swallow them. When we were growing up we took green drops by the spoonful. Imagine our indignation when we discovered that our nearly grown cousins took them about 2 drops at a time in a spoonful of sugar! Or diluted in a cup of water (although all agree that prolonging consumption is a bad idea).
So, last night when I found myself sick enough to take green drops I read the label. (I might could have pushed through but I didn't want the death rattle to alarm the neighbors.) Here's an abbreviated explaination of the recommended uses for green drops:
* as a gargle for minor irritations of the throat
* as a refreshing mouth wash
* excellent for use with a toothbrush in cleansing the teeth
* relieves the stuffiness of a head cold - place 1/2 teaspoon in boiling water and breath the fumes
(I just
realized this says fumes instead of vapors. Hmmm....?)
* temporary relief of minor digestive disturbances - take 1/2 teaspoon saturated in sugar
* temporary relief of muscular aches and pains - gently rub the affected areas with these drops
I know I'm no doctor, but am I the only one who feels like this list is just a little bit, well... sketchy? First of all, anyone who has ever tasted green drops would immediately elliminate the first three uses from consideration. Secondly, does the same medicine generally help head colds, indigestion, and muscle pain?
It seems a little "mind over matter"-ish to me. Which is fine, because last night I truly did feel better after I took them. But if that's the case, I sure wish I knew the trick to reprogramming my mind to something a little more friendly. And if "mind over matter" works then I'ma start my kids out right by printing a label and sticking it on some ice cream or something. Cuz green drops'll make even a magot gag.
